"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" - unknown
I was at Barton Creek Square this week on my way to the Apple Retail Store when I passed by the Victoria's Secret Boutique. I stopped for a moment to do some "window shopping" and as I looked over the displays I noticed a person inside I thought I recognized. Upon closer inspection I realized that the person in question was a fellow real estate agent who was obviously shopping for a little something for Valentine's Day. As I continued to watch I noticed that he seemed to be awkwardly looking through the store and at the same time looking around with a somewhat guilty look on his face. Now I have to tell you I know this guy fairly well and he is about as straight laced as they come. To protect his identity we will call him "Bill". As I watched him stiffly lurching around the store I started chuckling and decided it would be a good time for me to do some shopping myself.
I casually strolled into the store unnoticed by "Bill" and made my way over to the "7 Sides of Sexy" section where he was sorting through some fairly racy G-Strings. One of the sales associates approached and ask him if he needed help and he nervously replied that he did not! Waiting a few moments longer and edging to within about 10 feet, I suddenly blurted out, (loud enough to be heard in 1/2 the store) "BILL"...BILL! Hey man, do you shop here too?" He turned around and as soon as he saw me the blood left his face and I thought he would faint! He was flustered and unable to speak so I just kept up a friendly banter, "This place really has lots of fun items don't you think?" He finally managed to stammer something unintelligible, gather up several garments and beat a path to the check out. As he left, I called across the store, "Hey Bill. I bet you have a good Valentine's day!"
Now I know, that was uncalled for but sometimes I just cannot help myself and I also know that lingerie and Valentine's day is a perfectly natural fit. I realize that men and women enjoy lingerie for different reasons but the point of this post is to let those of you who are shy about such matters know that it's okay. Every store I have ever patronized has had a professional staff that was very cool about the product. So don't be afraid to ask questions. For all couples I have a suggestion that my wife utilized for me after we were first married. Ladies, take a file card and write down all of your measurements and place this card in your partners billfold so that (if the lady in your life trusts you to purchase clothing items) you will have the correct measurements. Another tip when I am shopping is I try to find a sales associate who is similar in height, weight and proportion to my wife. This can be a fun shopping event event and when it comes to lingerie, you have to remember this key element, lingerie is not made to be worn for all that long ;-). As a service to shoppers in Austin, here is a list of other fine local establishments carrying Valentine's merchandise:
Underwear Petticoat Fair Tabu Lingerie Lerouge Boutique
Last but certainly not least, I realize that lingerie really is something that men probably enjoy more than women but as a friend of mine who was in the fashion business used to say, "A woman enjoys being adorned and admired by her partner, no matter the shape, size or age and it's foolish to try and look like all those models in the catalogs"! So it's fun for all with the right attitude! I am laughing as I type this because it's not what a person usually finds in a Localism post (at least not in the blogs I read). However now that I have actually posted this I hope that it in some small way contributes to a little romance on Valentine's Day. Go ahead, have some fun, I promise I won't tell and if we see ourselves in one of these places together, we will act like Baptists in a Liquor store and ignore each other! It's a good life in Austin Texas, Happy Valentines Day...Y'all!
Disclaimer: I received permission from my wife to write this BEFORE posting!
Russell, now that was mean of you. But funny!
Russell, I am at a loss to add any G-rated lingerie stories...
Did you really write this? It's so ... coherent and FUNNY! I'm impressed. :)
Russell...laughing while I'm typing...Only YOU could pull something like that! Happy Valentines Day and have fun!
I think that you have summed this subject up better than I have ever seen!
Featured in the Group "Whacked!!!"
Russel, while I have used the "find someone your wife's size" to wait on you in the langerie department----I have yet to have one offer to demonstrate:)
Oh poor "Bill". Next time I hope you'll find a way to hack into his email and send a note to everyone in his office informing them how much he likes Valentine's Day spankings! Haa haa, remember that trick? You are so darn funny!
Russell...
This is exactly why we get along so well. You're as twisted as I am, if not more so. I figure you're older than me. That means you've had more practice :)
That's all I can say on this post without stirring up my little cauldron :)
TLW...ROAR!
Can...
Any of us even imagine what would take place on this post, on a Friday night, if it were a Members Only Post? :)
TLW...ROAR!
OK, that was just so wrong of you! But, it's definitely something I would have done too! Too funny my friend!
Can't wait to get to Austin to raise some heck with you!
Russell - I can totally imagine you doing this to "Bill" - it made me laugh because I know you had a huge grin on your face when you hollered at him, too. :) This is why you and I are friends. I would probably have done the same thing. By the way, thanks very much for ignoring me at Victoria's Secret AND the liquor store. Good man.
I think if you came up to me at barton creek mall and said that I would jump too.
Jane I know and if I ever get to the pearly gates I’ve got some splainin’ to do!
Anna HA HA...I know better but well put!
Scott Of course, I am not always on a tangent and this is a deeply personal subject for me ;-P
??? Actually, I spend more time laughing about my typing!
Buster Thanks, I am forwarding to Margaret as we speak!
Richard I really appreciate the compliment and I am honored to be featured in Whacked! (I feel right at home in your group!)
Charles I have not either but that does not mean I havent THOUGHT about it!
Hi Sarah *OUCH* I still feel a small twinge of guilt about that but I am getting over it! Heck you are my “Muse” when it comes to pranks!
TLW Wow, I enjoy it when you drop by and agree “twisted” in my book is a compliment! And please, STIR THE CAULDRON ALL YOU WANT!
TLW So what’s the difference if this a members only post? After all I posted it to Localism as a public service to Valentine’s Day celebrants every where! ;-)
Craig Yeah I know and yes if you had been in my shoes you would have done the same (it’s just in our genes)!
Jason I think you may actually know this agent and yes you know me all to well because we both have thatslightly ywisted sense of humor! Looking forward to seeing you at Rain Camp where I am counting on you to help me behave! Wait...I am usualy serious until I get around you ;-P
Christopher Probably but what made this incident even more startling is the fact that we already knew each other! Thanks for commenting.
Russell - Too funny! And thanks for putting the word out for some lingerie shopping!
That is Hilarious, Sorry can't stay gotta go run to La Senza pick up a few things.
What a great story! Am amazed how many guys do not go shopping for their wife. I personally love it, and I know from experience that the service associates at the store like it when guys come in for their wife. Thanks for the reminder and good story. Keep up the good work!
Great story. About to roll off my chair reading this.
Thanks for the Friday laughs! I can so totally picture this that I laughed out loud - & then had to read it to my colleagues wondering what in the world...
Russell - This was a great laugh on a Friday night!! But, I feel bad for "BILL"....even though I laughed. While rushing to the checkout, sure hope he got the right sizes ! :)
Susan Why thank you and I am just doing my best to encourage my fellow men to do the right thing!
Clark Thanks for the kudo and I am glad I was able to give you a gentle reminder, have fun on Valentine’s Day!
James In the somewhat distant past I was also initially hesitant to shop but like you say I have very nice, patient folks who enjoyed their job and made the experience fun. Hope you icked up something for your wife this year!
Mike Thanks, I always like it when I can get a good laugh and hope you enjoy the 14th this year too!
Nancy Oh that’s funny and I am glad the office enjoyed this too!
Christine I did feel a bit guilty as he rushed out and do hope he got everything he wanted ;-)
Now that was sooo cool Russell! YOu are not only going to help out a lot of people with the measurement tip....but many Valentine's are going to be very pleased.
Evening Russell, That was an opportunity too good to pass up. I'm watching for you in my rear view mirror !
Great stuff!!!!!
Russell - I would have called Bill's name too, nothing really embarrasses me. Great tip about the measurement card. I hope you and your wife have a Happy Valentine's Day!
Russell, too funny. Can I hire you to shop for me?
OMG, I'm ROTFLMBO, raucously!! Russell, this was tooooo funny....still laughing hysterically...
Seriously, guys, if you're in a relationship with a woman, you shouldn't have any problems with shopping for intimates, really. I've been married for 10 years and never had a problem with it. Never had to call her and ask any questions about sizes, etc. because I have known for a very long time exactly....
Unless it's not for your significant other, or if you have more than one significant other....that's what will get you in trouble...LOL...
This is great! I would have said something to someone I knew lurking around like he didn't want to be seen. I am loud as it is....I am sure EVERYONE would have known he was there!
LOL Happy Valentines Day!! Wonder if Bill will try to get even!?
Russell, you rascal! Bless your heart, I hope you bought your little lady something sexy for the weekend! That poor man!! I had a neighbor once who's husband used to try so hard to buy her sexy nighties. She would open the box and put her hand out for the receipt. She always returned them for something practical. Now that is a shame, in my humble opinion! Great post my romantic friend.
So many things wrong with this blog. Here are just a few:
1. You actually stopped at a woman's store on your way to the Apple Store. Nothing makes me stop on my way to a electronic store unless it is food related. ;)
2. You admit that you "window shop" at Victoria's secret. it would take live models in underwear to make that happen for me!
3. You stalk a fellow man. ;)
4. Some women, no matter how the lingerie looks like, will just not look good! ;)
Funny blog. If your wife looks good, you might not want to put her measurements in your wallet. Last thing you need is a home visit from a stranger who found your lost wallet. ;)
I do declare, Russell! Aren't you the mischievous one! LOL
Fun post, my friend!
Debi
Russell, I agree with Susan, you are a Rascal but a fun loving one and I KNOW who you are talking about! I hope that you and Margaret have a happy Valentine's day together!
ROTFL...that's honestly all I can come up with for a comment. LOVE this post. Way to go Russell! Maybe your wife will get you that "exercise pole" you've been dreaming of. ROTFL.
Russell,
Hilarious! I can imagine how embarrassed Bill was. Are you sure he was making a purchase for his significant other?
Rich
Russell, Russell I do declare your wife found a live one....good for you both!
Why am I not surprised?
Wait a minute there are only 7 sides, Victoria must be keeping a hell of a lot secrets.
Russell, I can just see the blood going to his face. You are too funny! I wonder if he will speak to you again!!
Thank God Realtor Bill wasn't shopping for vibrators.
Yikes, you're evil. I like that. :)
Sally I appreciate you saying that because it is still surprising how many guys are too self conscious to buy thing for the ladies! I hope this helps!
Bill Thanks I could NOT resist but don’t worry, I am no stalker!
David Thanks!
Michelle You must have a bit up mischief up your sleeve too! The card has helped me for years and I am looking forward to Sunday with my wife!
Larry Oh that’s pretty funny and maybe I could have a whole new career as a personal shopper!
William You have an excellent attitude and that’s probably why you will have many more years of marriage. And no...like you I have only ONE, one and only!
Stephanie You and I would just be trouble at any gathering and it was funny to see the look on his face!
Wendy I have known “Bill” for quite awhile and he will get over it without any repercussions. I think he knows that I will just pull another stunt if he were to try something but he’s just not the type and we actually get along fairy well!
Susan Yes...Yes, I know but I could not help myself and yes I did actually purchase something myself! Wow...I feel sorry for your friends husband, something practical? At first I thought maybe she was just going to wear the receipt but noooo.... *OUCH*
Satar Very funny ;-P but I guess it’s just the season that got me side tracked from the Apple Store and you know everybody looks good in lower light! My girl is a looker but I would not worry about visits from strangers because she is a West Texas girl who can handle a shot gun! Thanks for leaving some funny comments!
Hi Debi The funny thing is that I am often very serious when it comes to business but I do enjoy being somewhat mischievous too!
Lynne I bet you do know the agent ;-) and thanks for the well wishes, I hope you have a good day next Sunday too!
Elizabeth I always enj it when I can find others who enjoy a good laugh! And I ma cracking up at the “pole” comment. I am never going to live that one down!
Rich That’s a good one but like I said he is about as straight arrow as they come so I know he was behaving ;-)
Cynthia My wife will be the first one to tell you I am most certainly a “live one”. And I am so lucky to have someone like her and her sense of humor)!
BTW I agree with you about the “7 Sides” but that may have just been the flavors of the month...so to speak ;-O
Marchel He was indeed a bit flustered but we have done business together over the years and I really do not think he will even mention it. Unless I were to bring it up the next time I se him on property tour! OOPS!
Coleen Now that is even funnier and i am just glad he was not in that section of the store. Do they have those there ;-P
Hi Russell:
So glad you got permission from the wife first... (that was great!)
I wouldn't be able to resist busting someone's chop either!
So, what did you buy there??
"On your way to the Apple Store?" Sure you were, Russell. :)
Russel, that was a great and funny post......shows your other side...the mischievous side. :)
OOOOOOh. You are one mean guy. You must be fun to share an office with. Glad you had a good time shopping! I am facinated that little ol' Austin has that many underware stores! (I know...you think Austin is huge. I'm in Houston. Enough said.) Happy Valentines day over there. Stay ou of trouble!
I do love that store....maybe more than my girlfriend does! I have no shame in shopping for her there!
Well done Russel, absolutely hilarious, Watch over your shoulder he may get you back some day.
signed
Another Bill
Good that you got your wife's permission before you wrote this post! Funny but maybe not so nice! Thanks for sharing though!
Thanks to you Bill came home to me with a strawberry cheesecake. Damn you, Lewis. I could just scream. Three months on the stairmaster and he promised me a leather bodice.
Cheesecake?!? You bitch arrogant bastard!
Russell:
I guess Bill didn't know he could order online and not have to risk running into someone he knew at the store. He probably doesn't use technology or hang out here in the Rain.
When your wife gets that stripper pole are you going to post a video online?
From the desk of David Dee,
Russell, that's hilarious what you did!! NOTE to self: if I ever shop there make sure to avoid Russell. He'll either make you turn pale white or beat red. In either case, it's not a good thing. :D
Lenza!!! Arrgggghhh...such a drama queen and I just realized I saw him leaving with basic fire engine red leather instead of your favorite...Chartreuse!!
Carol Ha ha... You are so right about ordering online, I should mention that to him but I don't really think he wants to relive the experience! And as far as that new piece of "gym equipment" I don't think I am ever going to live that comment down!
Toula Ohhh...whenever I am thinking of posting something a bit off the wail or that has anything to do with us, I always run it by her first so there are no unwanted surprises! And I cannot say what’s in the box because she sometimes reads my blog (and I don’t want to give it away)!
John HAHAHA! Well...it sounded good, right?
Rebecca Thanks and people will tell you that I do have several sides and the mischievous side is a nice balance as long as I am not too wild!
Amy I am actually fortunate to work with a pretty good bunch with a larger number of pretty clever as well as very witty people and sometimes it’s a challenge to keep up! As far as the number of “boutiques” per capita, Austin just seems to have that vibe..No wait, I meant to say...
Damon Glad to hear it and more guys should have your attitude because they would have more fun too!
Another Bill Thanks, and truth b told he will avoid the subject as long as I don’t bring it up again. He is usually a good sport but I just completely caught him off guard ;-)
Eileen Yes, I am married to a fun loving girl but I know when i need to check with her so as not to rock the boat and yes, I was a bit naughty but “Bill” id a pretty good sport...usually ;-)
David True...true, on the other hand I might be able to give some god advice on a few selections ;-O
You are such a hoot! Happy V-Day to you!! What did you buy your wife at Victoria's??
FUNNY POST, WHAT WOULD THIS WORLD BE WITHOUT VALENTINES DAY. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Hi Russell,
This is an adorable story!!! i pictured your Realtor friend at "Victoria Secret" and thought that most guys would have a similar situation. I like the way you "hassled him" it was cute... Have fun this Valentines this Sunday... Hope you don't have tooo much snow down there.. ;>))
Poor "Bill" - that's hilarious. It must have taken a lot of courage for someone with that type of personality to shop there to begin with!
Russell~ I can not stop laughing! Poor Bill! I can NOT see my husband ever going in there, LOL!!
I think you were having just a little too much fun harrassing your acquaintance at the store ; )
Russell - I enjoyed your post but I have to ask...what DID you buy? Or is that a secret? VS has an amazing fashion show!! LOL
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Jeff
Cathy Lee Happy Valentine’s day to you too! I cannot say but it’s very pretty but there is not much to it!!!
Niema I so agree, in a world with so many problems, it’s nice to set aside some time for a little affection between partners!
Ann-Marie You are right and when I was younger I was the same way but quickly started to enjoy my trips to the lingerie store! And snow??? You mean that stuff I see on TV and in magazines???
Ruth-Marie Yeah, I know what you mean, i hope I have not scared him away from those places permanently! But I have a sneaky feeling he will return, even if he has to wear a disguise!
Vickie Thanks,I am happy you enjoyed the post....So maybe your husband can take a tip from some of the comments here and shop online? Hope you have a great valentine’s Day!
Christine Yes, I probably was a little over the top but I know he can take it and was actually surprised that I was able to ruffle his usually calm feathers!
Jeff Oh, I cannot say but there is not much to it ;-P And that fashion show...THAT would make a good post!!
Mark Thanks for dropping by, I hope you have a good Valentine’s Day yourself!
ROFL!! I love it! That was genius. Wanna know a secret? About 17 years ago I worked at VS for about a year =P I still have all the stuff I bought with my employee discount. LOL. I don't think I ever brought home a check. I guess it's just a good thing I can still fit into the stuff! =D
You have a great sense on humor! Of course we are all wondering who he was shopping for while in the store.
Russell:
This is beautiful - and the perfect Valentine's Day story.
If Bill is that shy about simply buying lingerie, he must have some other challenges in life. I hope his wife appreciates his efforts.
Ah, Russell, is Bill by any chance married and NOT shopping for his wife?
I ran into a male colleague at the Hallmarks store yesterday. Ten women looking at husband cards and he was all alone in the wife section. Everyone laughed when I announced husbands are legally unable to purchase a wife card until Sunday.
Good morning Russell,
This is way too funny! I really hope Bill got the right sizes and will be interesting if he ignores you the next time you see each other! I like Claudette hope who ever is getting Bill's Valentine gifts appreciates what he went through to get them! We are all wondering what you bought after Bill left!! Will your wife tell??? Happy Valentine's Day!!
Most of you probably don't know that Russell was my Sunday school teacher back in our hometown of San Angelo. The reference about Baptists is so true and to a great extent even funnier than its face value...
My wife and I took a weekend trip to Port Aransas and had stopped by the liquor store to pick up some booze. Suddenly, upon entering the "package store," we ran into our Preacher's wife... to protect her identity, we'll call her "Bill." So of course my wife and I simultaneously blurted out "Bill" while she was lugging a couple of bottles of wine to the checkout. With the elegance and grace of the Queen and with a huge smile on her face she says... "It's so good to be out of town isn't it."
At least your Bill could just run over to Barton Creek.
Your posts are always refreshing, clever funny and always somewhat full of S***
Thanks Russell... Who loves ya baby?
Russell, you little devil you! What a great story! "Bill" will probably not share this story with anyone so it is nice of you to post it to Localism for him!! LOL
Russell, I think your speaking out is a good thing. It should have made him realize that he is not alone. I did learn years ago that the only way to shop at Victoria's Secret is together with your mate. It's more fun that way, and my girlfriend doesn't think that it is somehow that i don't find her sexy enough. She is. Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovers.
Joe, and here I thought the best way to shop in Victoria's Secrets is to ask the women behind the counter if they'd model a ware or two. Relax, ladies. I'm a-jokin'
Oh Russell, as usual you are an absolute HOOT and I am pretty sure I know the real name of your fellow Realtor! What makes this even funnier is the fact that he is kind of bossy and aggressive when doing business! You are so funny at times and we are very happy that Margaret puts up with you! I hope you both have a fun Valentine's day!
Russell--What a great sense of humor you have! Poor Bill.
My husband uses your "find a salesperson who looks about the same measurements as your wife" routine. At least I THINK he's just shopping for clothing for me and not hitting on the salesgirls.
Ha! Too funy. Thanks for the post today, I got a kick out of it.
Patricia
OMG - Russell - you are aweful, but by gosh that was funny:-) as for sexy undies and such - we all love it, boys and girls, no matter our looks. We might as well all be honest about it. It's as if we really all only had sex for procreation:-)
Lol. I want to join the crowd and say how much fun I had reading this post.
Oh my goodness, this was so much fun to write and the comments are even better, I will be back laterto reply and thanks to everyone for stopping by!
Russell, this is so funny! It occurred to me that perhaps Bill was buying some for himself? Just kidding!
I am happy to find the disclaimer at the bottom of your post - WIFE APPROVED! LOL. ~Rita
I feel sorry for the poor guy. He will never get over the Valentine's Day Trauma. Poor fella! I just wonder what kind of prank he is going to pull on you when he gets hi wits back. It makes me think of the practical joke Paul Newman and Robert Redford played on one another. I think one left an old smashed vehicle on the other's yard...then it was returned to the other yard and neither ever said a word.
Hi Russell!
You simply are hysterical! Who'd a thunk that a post about lingerie would be a featured post? I loved your story about Bill and only wish I had been a fly on the wall when it happened! I think we could have been great "bar buddies" if we had lived in the same city...I bet your friends love hanging out with you!!!!
Hi Russell, Happy Valentine's Day to you and Margaret. This story is yet another example of your dual nature Part serious business and part fun!
Hello and thanks for stopping by...It's Valentine's Day now so get off the computer and go have a little fun with the one you love! And here is a little tune you might enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzJ2NKp23WU
I love this youtube of "All you need is love"! Thanks for posting it-I placed it on FB. We just went to "LOVE" in Vegas-it is the best show I have ever been to in Vegas!! The show closes with this song.
Russell, I can just imagine the whole thing. Sounds like you, my friend! "Poor Bill!" :)
Russel, You rascal you. Now I won't be able to ever go into a Victoria Secrets store without looking over my shoulder. Thanks for the laugh.
Hi Russell...you are too much..I love the way you find fun in life. I wonder if.....Bill would have spotted you from the corner of his eye and knowing the fun loving rascal you are would turn the tables on you..grab all the sexiest lingerie there was and said ' there you are...didn't know what you were looking for so I thought I just buy them all ...for you....
Now I know this would never happen and I really know if it did....you would handle it in A " Russell Lewis" style LOL
There is something about your blogging that is so refreshing and always ...no matter what ..will have you smiling all day.
Except " Poor Bill " ......he might just be waiting his turn...you know........
You are too funny. I am going to bookmark this post and send it to my husband next year, right before Valentine's Day.
Not that I didn't enjoy my Lowe's card....
Russell, I missed this post for Valentines Day, but it is still revelvant and hilarious a week later. Poor "Bill", LOL! I can only imagine his discomfort at hearing his name called out like that. I think you were feeling ornery in Victoria's Secret. Well, "Bill" doesn't have any secrets now LOL
So Russell.....have you run into Bill lately. You know he could be one of those "I don't get mad, I get even" guys. Let the games begin ;-)
Russell, this story is hilarious, you had me laughing out loud as I find that several of your blogs have, I love the Halloween one.
Stay warm, have a great week.
I haven't been in a Victoria's Secret since, well, I've NEVER been in a Victoria's Secret! LOL
You are NAUGHTY! Maybe Bill was picking up a few things for himself!
I love how men look in VS and other lingerie shops. I'm sure the sales people laugh about it daily. Great idea about the size chart for the man's wallet! My husband was frustrated last Xmas when he got me a VS gift card hoping I would buy skimpy stuff but instead I went online and bought some boots and sweatpants...hahahaha. I don't think he realized they sold regular clothes online ;-)
Howdy and evenen there Russell
That sure sounds like I'd to to some, myself. Does Bill still talk to ya?
Russell, you are such a rascal and yes I do know who "bill" really is and to tell the truth, he could probably use a few more jibs and jabs! You are so funny because you actually do what many of us only think about!
Russell, you are such a rascal and yes I do know who "bill" really is and to tell the truth, he could probably use a few more jibs and jabs! You are so funny because you actually do what many of us only think about!